I remember when I lost all motivation to write about Spain. And to be honest, the motivation still has not totally come back yet, but I am trying.
My entire life and everything I had planned out for myself changed within the past months. You know, continuing to go abroad to Spain despite what’s happening at home, everything going wrong in Spain (except: meeting some of the nicest people, which made it harder to leave), and then ultimately, having to return to America. And figure out what to do next.
My step-dad was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks before I left for Spain, and to say the least, the diagnosis was not good. He told me to go to Spain despite everything. To not stop living. And, more than anything, he wanted to see me get my degree.
To leave or not to leave. That was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I had never been so unsure about anything in my whole life. I remember getting onto the plane and wanting to run away, never mind, I can not do this. But, there was a whole line of people behind me. I was already on my way and could not turn back.
Of course, the program ended up not working out. Really, the program was not even close to what I expected. I tried to make it work out, tried to study directly in the university instead/tried to find another university to study in. I called and e-mailed so many people, but the fall term started throughout Spain. I could not enroll in classes now. Everything was telling me to go home.
And I did, without my degree and unsure what to do next.
Over the next couple of months, very condensed, I: helped out at home, picked up a job at a retail store, quit when my step-dad’s health was worsening, tried figuring out where I would go to college next and when, etc. And then, I decided to go back to Morris in the spring.
And actually, the decision was very sudden just like that. I woke up one morning and thought, I need to re-enroll for spring term at Morris. I need to stop trying to make the Twin Cities campus happen. And did all of that in a day, meaning re-enrolling, registering for classes, signing up for on-campus housing.
Did not know how everything would be paid for. Did not entirely know what I was doing, but I wanted to get my degree. I wanted to make my step-dad proud.
Financially, a tough semester. Emotionally, more difficult than anyone could ever imagine in a semester. I did not know until about a month into the semester on how to even begin to pay for my tuition bill. Thankfully, I finally received a positive response from the financial aid office.
A few weeks after that, on February 20, my step-dad passed away.
Long story, really really really short: this has been the most difficult semester of my entire life, but I finally did it. I am in my last week of undergrad, and my final exams are on Thursday and Friday. I think I can say “I am done” at this point.
Hope you are proud.